jeudi 2 avril 2009

A quoi tu penses ?

Enfin expliquées (pseudo)scientifiquement les lois empiriques selon lesquelles il ne faut jamais JAMAIS demander à un homme à quoi il pense ou dire à une femme de se taire. C'est très drôle, comme c'est un peu difficile à suivre par moments je me suis fendue d'une transcription intégrale (en-dessous).

A tale of two brains

"I want to start with men’s brains, all right now men’s brains are very unique, men’s brains are made up of little boxes. And we have a box for everything. We’ve got a box for the car, we’ve got a box for the money, we’ve got a box for the job, we’ve got a box for you, we’ve got a box for the kids, we’ve got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement… We’ve got boxes everywhere. And the rule is : the boxes don’t touch.

When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, we discuss only what is in THAT BOX ! All right ? And then we close the box and put it away being very very careful NOT TO TOUCH any other boxes.

[goes to the woman’s brain and crosses himself]
Sorry my catholic upbringing got in for a minute, but I, hem, I’m not a catholic but I went to catholic school when I was little, I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there, I’ll never forget it… It did me good actually, it was a good thing…

Now women’s brains are very very different from men’s brains. Women’s brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything. Zzz zzzz The money is connected to the car and the car’s connected to your job and the kids are connected to your mother and everything is connected to everything and it’s just like zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It’s like the internet super highway.

And it’s all driven by energy that we call emotion.
It’s one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything. Because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory and you can remember it for ever.
The same thing happens for men, it just don’t happen very often, because quite frankly, we don’t care. Women tend to care about EEEVERYTHIIING !
And she just loves that kzzzzz zzzz zzzz ha! ha ! ha ! ha ! OK

Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. It’s true. In fact we call it “the nothing box”. And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the nothing box is our favourite box. If a man has a chance, he’ll go to his nothing box everytime. That’s why a man can do something seemingly completely braindead for hours on end. You know like fishing… And we love it, that’s why a man can sit in front of the TV and go… Aaaah… It glows aaah…
Of course this drives our wives nuts because they’ll come up and say STOP THAT ! You can possibly be watching ANYTHING ! – I’m not… Go away.

Now we actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing, and still breathe. You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that, watched the brain activity and listen iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii… I think he’s dead ! - Hun ? You know…

Women can’t do it ! They can’t do it, their mind never stops zzzzzzz tikitikitiki zzzz tiki zzz
And they don’t understand the nothing box ! And it drives them crazy ! Because nothing drives a woman more crazy (sic) and makes her feel more irritated than to witness a man doing NOTHING !

Now one of the biggest revelations I get out of women is this nothing box issue. They go ah !
Everything’s starting to make sense ! I’ve had women say oh can I go in his nothing box with him ? - NOOO ! - Why not ? – Because then it’s something ! Besides you’d walk in and go : you know, this place could really use some pictures… I see a table over here, some flowers and… NO ! Nothing ! Get out, we don’t want nothing.

Now (let’s analyse ?) the way men and women handle stress. OK. When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is run to his nothing box. This is how we unwind. The last thing we want to do when we are stressed out is talk about it. We don’t want to talk about it we just wanna…

Of course this drives you nuts you know. A woman will see a man in this vegetative state she’ll come up and go : what’re you thinking about ? – Nothing. – You gotta be thinking about something ! – No I think about nothing. (…?) Go away.
All right, cause that’s the way we handle stress we just ha gzz vvv zz hhh…

Now when a woman is stressed out, she has to talk about it. If she doesn’t talk about it, her brain will literally explode. So she starts to just zzz tikitikizzz I don’t know my husband will do that zzz I never thought about this zzz my brother aaaaaaaaaah !

And I know men who run from their wives when they do this. I say I say why do you run from her ? He says cause I don’t know what to tell her. I say dear God man you don’t need to tell her anything. She don’t want you to tell her anything. You see a lot of guys they feel obligated when you start explaining all your stress, they feel obligated to fix you. Cause that’s what a man does, a man only tells his troubles to another man in hopes that that man will help to fix it. OK ? But she’s not a man; and you try to fix her, she gonna kill you. All right ? She doesn’t want your advice, she doesn’t want your help, she wants you to SHUT UP AND LISTEN !

A couples of ladies (in the public) that’s right you tell him ! You tell him to shut up !"

Merci à Jean-Da et TZ pour m'avoir montré cette perle.

PS : For another most extraordinary speech on human brain watch Jill Bolte Taylor on TED

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